Today is the day for guns and iron, and silent murder. Today is MGS4 day, and we will in the shit for as long as possible to document our first impressions. The anticipation is killing us all. Let’s get to it!

11:32 am.
After a lengthy install featuring Snake smoking a cigarette, we are being treated to a confusing montage of existential clips. Women dancing with a giant pink octopus. David Hayter selling eye-patch computing to an amorous woman. Why is this?

11:43 am.
Game begins. The battlefield is bathed in a symphony of mooing mechanoids. This is a different kind of confusion.

12:26 pm.
We have discovered the iPod, which has a disturbingly varied selection of tunes on it. It also has a 10 minute podcast about Metal Gear stuff. Also, Snake’s ass is sexy and perfect. That part’s a cheeky secret between you and me.

1:36 pm.
Met up with Drebin - his monkey no longer has a baby diaper… I’m a little disappointed.

1:39 pm.
A poop just happened.

2:26 pm.
There’s a macbook pro in this game - just for a second. I accept this product placement.

3:26 pm.
Another install screen… I guess that makes sense! The game’s installing itself over the course of the game. Look at him enjoy that cigarette!

5:04 pm.
Five and a half hours means dinner break! I dread the next cutscene… “Hey Snake! Let me talk to you for 35 minutes!”

7:25 pm.
We’re back! And after some satisfying man-tracking, we’re in a typical now-you’re-firing-a-gun-from-a-moving-vehicle minigame. Give and take!

Tom note: The tracking/hunting scene is truly fantastic. Every little nuance was taken into account, all the way down to the barely audible hum made by Snake’s infrared eye-patch being heard by enemies hiding amongst the bushes. Amazing!

7:40 pm.
The legendary Raiden vs. Vamp scene just happened. We need to take a Boom Blox Break. Wow.

8:13 pm.
Everybody in the room just screamed in disappointment as Otacon failed to become a man.

9:45 pm.
Simon’s gone, and I’m all alone with Snake. A total stealth mission combined with a handful of MGS1 & 2 throwbacks make this a precious moment.

10:30 pm.
Everything is explained. All the mysteries solved! My head is spinning! One little 25 minute cinematic opened my eyes, and I can finally say with confidence that I understand! You’ve missed it, Simon! I am enlightened! By missing this scene, you’ve lost your ticket to Metal Gear Heaven!

10:58 pm.
It’s been a long, beautiful day, but after a treacherous encounter with a B/B hottie, it’s time to turn in and dream sweet dreams of what’s to come.