At this point, another glowing GTA IV review is like an eyedropper of piss in the pool. No one’s going to feel the warmth - there’s a huge volume of it already. The magnitude of hype and anticipation presaging the release of this game was amazing, though perhaps a little less impressive when one considers how much of it was from concerned political pundits and misinformed newscasters decrying its violent, sexual content. (Have these people not been watching prime time television at all recently?)

Unless you hid under a rock well outside of any wi-fi coverage zone, you’ve heard that IGN.com gave the game a 10, which means it is “Masterful,” and the “pinnacle of gaming brilliance.” While I’ve clocked a fair few hours in the game and look forward to finishing it, it hasn’t punched me in the gut with brilliance quite yet. A lot of the game’s enjoyment is derived from its free-form and multiplayer elements which aren’t integral to the game’s actual storyline, but rather rely on an individual player’s ingenuity and curiosity to create such precious moments.

The multiplayer is an absolute must. I’ve never heard a group of strangers laughing, hooting, and giggling non-stop for so long before. There are some truly creative profanity-weavers out there in the world. Cussing virtuosos, if you will.

There’s just something about car accidents and explosions that brings out the best in mankind.

The core game is good. Excellent, even, but I shy away from that 10 rating for a few reasons. I’m not trying to be contrarian; GTA IV is mostly comprised of stunningly attractive facets. I know this makes my complaints about as palatable as a cruiseliner passenger insisting that their month-long tour of the Caribbean was spoiled by the one or two gnats they inhaled while standing poolside on the observation deck, slack-jawed with cocktail in hand, but those are gnats that ought to be mentioned.

As in any Grand Theft Auto game, one must start with talking about the grand theft of autos. And grand it is. GTA IV definitely caters to the set yearning to act out fantasies that were born upon first seeing Gone in 60 Seconds, fantasies which summarily grew fat at the teat of The Fast and the Furious.

My first impression of the driving system was an unfavorable one. How, I wondered, as I skidded into my third fire hydrant (and eighth pedestrian), would I ever get the hang of this? Perseverance paid off, and while it’s still easy to clip a few pedestrians every now and again, I now actually enjoy the way the controls are set up. Whether or not the fact that every vehicle handles differently in the game (as in real life) is a fantastic feature or a royal pissoff will depend on your skills and style of play.

And through Brucie, the bullshark testosterone-pumping homosocial homophobe you’ll quickly love to hate (or at least roll your eyes at), you can engage in street races and pick up select vehicles to add to his personal collection.

Seeing the sun rise or set over Liberty City as you fly across the bridge in a stolen convertible, ambulance, or Mack truck offers players with sensitive souls some surprisingly poignant moments.

I never thought so much Gaussian blur could make me feel so good.

It’s a little less moving when Niko’s digital arm goes through a car door to pop the lock rather than into the window he’s just smashed, though it’s a rendering foible I suppose I can ultimately overlook.

Once the sun sets, the city is a different place. It is a dark place. I don’t mean metaphorically, I mean I can’t see shit without turning up the brightness and contrast. It’s hard to feel like a bigshot gun-for-hire when you’re repeatedly bumbling into a wall while two bums look on, hoping that that secret entrance to the gun seller’s shop is “around here somewheres.”

It’s also hard to feel cool when you fail a mission for the fifth time. Fortunately, GTA IV is very accommodating of dunderheads like me, and offers the convenient option of checking your phone text messages to jump right into an automatic reattempt. It makes it easy to get back to the crushingly difficult attempt to outmanoeuvre a S.W.A.T. team in an abandoned building with a backpack full of coke, and I like that.

Liberty City itself is huge. If the fold-out map that comes with the game didn’t impress you enough, check out the online GTA IV City Map. There comes a point after the first few missions and your move from Broker to Bohan, where you’re fully equipped with everything you need to get your missions done. You have your cell phone, Internet access, a host of colourful NPCs ready to give you money to kill people, thieve cars, reclaim coke, and more. This tipping point, when the game spreads itself before you in all its promise and glory like an all-you-can-eat intercontinental buffet, may make your stomach flip-flop.

Am I complaining that a game is somehow frightening or intimidating because of its wealth of content? Maybe. Am I complaining that the game takes off the training wheels and throws you out there too soon? Heck no. I just liked it when I could go to sleep before 3AM.

The city is full of colour and that irreverent GTA satire we’ve come to love. The characters this time around are incredibly engaging, from lovable and nigh-incomprehensible Little Jacob and your gambling-addicted optimistic cousin Roman, to the guys and girls on the street you don’t even know. Finding a lone, pot-bellied man in overalls sweeping the concrete down by the docks at 4AM on a Tuesday in-game reminds you of the dynamics of the city, and the AI is good at giving you the illusion that you’ve touched the lives of these nonexistent people. I know that the trio of gangsters who saw me fly through the windshield of my beamer only to roll like a rag-doll to their very feet will never be the same. Maybe they’ll clean up their acts, and go on to get college degrees.

As a sandbox of potential, this game is exquisite. The 3 XBOX 360 owners without Live Gold will be missing out on a lot of the experience, but they’ll still have an overall excellent game on their hands.